Patience or Pleasure

Where do I begin? It seems to be a curse of this generation. Busyness. Striving for perfection. Yes, sanctification is a holy thing, and working towards the upward call in Christ is not a bad thing. But when does our work become the idol? When does it become a false sense of righteousness? I can tell you that for me, there was no false sense of righteousness, only a rightful sense of unfulfilling exhaustion. 

I take pride in any work I do. Combine that with an overwhelming desire to please others, and you have someone who does not feel acceptable until they feel exceptional. Maybe it's part of a woman's make up- to believe we have to do things very well to do them at all. My issue is, wanting to earn more of Gods favor through what doing more for His kingdom.

Romans 3:20 

For by works of the law no human being will be justified in his sight, since through the law comes knowledge of sin.

The truth I cannot seem to wrap my head around is that my Heavenly Father will not love me anymore or any less tomorrow than he does today. The truth is- even at my worst, He thought I was worth dying for. 

but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8

So, do I believe God feels pleasure towards me? That he delights in me? Or that he just is patient with me? I can bank on the Lord's patience with me. I have experienced it throughout my life. But the truth is, the truth that we must all wrap our heads around is, He is not waiting for me to become something else to love me. He loved me at my worst. 

Stop trying to pay a debt you do not owe 

Overwhelmed

The feeling of being overwhelmed is one I am all too familiar with - and I'm sure others can identify with to some extent. This is not a new word in our vocabulary by any means. I am constantly overwhelmed by the amount of tasks I take on and the responsibilities I claim as my own. My struggle to say no to others and desire to help does not work well when paired with my prideful mindset of "perfection." 

"Perfect" Oh that word and the harm it does. I know I am far from perfect. I can write books on how I won't be until my days in glory. I can talk all day abouthow His strength is made perfect in my weakness. But the struggle remains. My issue is the overwhelming desire to improve and maintain the opinions of others towards me. This overwhelms me. I am a "doer" and constantly strive to prove my worth to others. 

Whose Gospel is that?! 

There is nothing I can do to redeem myself or make myself any more worthy that I am now. Praise Jesus for His redemption, because I would make a lousy savior with how often I mess up. 

So why is it so hard to rest in this grace? This unbelievable and scandalous grace. Because I overwhelm myself with things in this world and struggle so much to keep my eyes on heaven. 

One definition Webster uses for "overwhelm" is "to affect someone very strongly." It is easy to relate this negatively to our everyday struggles and striving a for worth and identity. The challenging question is - How often am I overwhelmed by God? 

God calls for us to bring Him glory, and part of that is recognizing that we have received His grace by no work of our own. Nothing I can do to "earn" me any more love and acceptance from Him. He calls for us to come to Him, lay down our burdens, and walk with Him. Rest in Him. 

Matthew 11:28-30 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

For my comfort or Your Glory?

Psalms 31:3

For You are my rock and my fortress; For Your name's sake You will lead me and guide me.

The Psalms are filled with it - cries for the Lord's leading in life.  As I struggle to connect with God the way I used to, I cry out for His leading in my life, for guidance and wisdom. This has been going on for months, with no prevail of comfort. I wrestle with myself, wondering what I am doing wrong. Why does it seem like the Lord is being silent in these times of me crying out to him? 

I have always struggled with pride and control, and within that, I like the comfort of knowing what is going to happen. I am the type who likes to have a plan and know what to expect. Can I get an "amen"? I know I am not the only one. Within this struggle, I have realized that my constant prayers for direction from the Lord was another cry for comfort. I have not been willing to listen and follow wherever He lead me or desired for me to bring Him glory. I simply wanted to know my life was in control and know what was going to happen next. 

Matthew 6:24

Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

Why want control of what will happen next. The simple act of desiring to know is a grasp at control. I am not promised tomorrow, and beyond that, not promised the next minutes. So what is the Lord's will? 

Isaiah 43:7 

Everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made. 

The Lord created everything for His glory. He is a jealous God. He wants His glory. So praying for direction may be a good thing, it is shown throughout the Psalms and throughout the Bible. So when faced with options in life, asking which will bring the Lord more glory may be a better question than asking the Lord for specified direction. 

John 17:18 

The one who speaks on his own authority seeks his own glory; but the one who seeks the glory of him who sent him is true, and in him there is no falsehood. 

Jesus sought out his Father's glory. He was always pointing beyond himself to his Father in Heaven. How amazing is that? Jesus (being God himself) pointing beyond himself... This is something I do not see myself mastering until my days in Heaven - but it is something I will strive for daily. 

Not for my own comfort, but for His glory.